Tired of the whining? I’ll show how to lay a solid foundation for family chore time by avoiding these 5 mistakes so you can have helpful kids.
You know how it goes.
It’s been a long day. You look around.
Dishes are piled up in the sink. You trip over all the coats and shoes to get to the door. Your foot is killing you from stepping on the lego (again).
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You ask for some help with chores and suddenly it’s like you’ve asked them to donate a kidney.
“Why?”, “I don’t want to”, and my favourite, “do I have to?”
Have you had the thought that maybe it’d be easier to just keep doing it yourself?
I get ya. I’ve had those days myself.
Want to know what’s behind all that whining (and how to fix it)?
Here’s the main point: if you don’t lay the foundation for a successful chore time, you’re setting your kids up for failure…
…and that’s where you’ll see the resentment pop up when you ask for help
…the half-hearted rushed jobs
…and the temptation to make excuses to avoid unfun jobs or hard work.
And that’s not what your heart wants for your child.
So how do you nurture in your kids a solid work ethic and a servant’s heart…which will blow the socks off their future employer and spouse?
I’ll show how to lay a solid foundation by avoiding these common, subtle mistakes you might catch yourself making…
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…And ensure a successful, lasting family chore time, leading to happy, can-do kids (and a relieved mom).
how to turn whiners into (actual) helpers AT CHORE TIME
One of the top studies on chores and hard work I refer to is from Harvard University where the results show how parents who spare their kid’s chores are, surprisingly, harming them – what an unexpected twist!
These parents might be thinking it’s kinder to go easy on their kids, but that’s just not true.
What can you do to gently ease your kid’s into the right attitude? Read these 5 tips to turn around your chore time.
mistake 1. overload the kids with too many chores
Here’s the number one starting point I give parents: start with one consistent chore and do it regularly so it becomes a habit and expected.
Remember, the goal behind chores needs to be more than having a tidy living room when guests come over. The long-game of family chores is to have can-do helpers who make a difference in the world.
That means temporarily letting go of the perfectly clean house ideal. You’re not going to get that Pinterest-worthy image overnight.
To get there, you have to play the long-game.
No matter how desperate, exhausted, and end-of-your-rope you are, you have to start small if you want to grow helpers, not just unpaid, half-hearted cleaning staff.
Typical workers punch in and punch out as quickly as possible, do the bare minimum and don’t invest their hearts and souls in their work.
In other words, you’ll know you have helpers when they go for the towel before you even notice the spill.
And that’s when you’ll reach that peaceful, life-giving dream home you wanted.
So let me repeat with a trick I teach in my Strategic Chore Workbook: start with just one essential chore. Build up connection, confidence and capability with the tricks in this post.
And when they’ve mastered that chore, that skill: pick another one.
The next mistake is the most common one I see – are you part of this group?
MISTAKE 2. have SCATTERED CHORE TIMES
It’s real easy to bemoan our kid’s attitude towards chores when in fact it can be an easy fix:
Make chores a daily routine, no matter how small the job is.
When helping out is expected and simply what you do at this time every day, kids get pretty used to it.
Whining will turn to heavy sighs – because it’s that time of the day again – which has the potential to bloom into compassion and strategies to work smarter, not harder.
I love it when my kids come up to me asking if they can unload the dishwasher now at lunchtime so that they’ll be able to [insert epic activity here] before bedtime instead.
When kids have clear and consistent expectations, they don’t whine if they “have to”, they instead become empowered to negotiate and structure their day around work and play – and aren’t those vital skills for adulting?
So pick a time of day when you all stop and work together to care for your home. Start small (even 10 minutes) and when this timeframe has become a habit, add on until you have a manageable system.
But make sure you don’t do the next mistake that just begs for a level 10 tantrum.
mistake 3. PICK THE WORST TIME TO ASK FOR HELP
We all know the mob mentality of “hangry” kids. Or coffee-deprived moms.
Seriously. My kids have learned fairly quickly to check the level of my coffee mug (like this hilarious one I found on Amazon) before they beg me for something they want 😉
So how can you solve the problem of avoiding meltdowns when it’s the Dreaded Chore Time?
Book chores after they’re fed but before something they look forward to.
We do our family chores after supper and I “hold” dessert or a tv show until they’ve finished. They have a reasonable amount of time to finish (and I extend the time if I see them working hard).
I also schedule Saturday morning cartoons after they’ve cleaned up their rooms to my standards (I need the floor cleaned, vacuumed, and mopped). They can join as soon as they’re done.
No waiting for procrastinators. No hangry kids. Logical consequences. Always helps motivation 😉
MISTAKE 4. DISRESPECT A KID’S NEED FOR TRANSITION
I HATE having to leave something unfinished. Drives me nuts.
Kids are the same way.
They just don’t seem wired to abruptly go from one activity to another without a little shock.
So make sure to give them a warning and clear expectations before chore time starts.
“R, when you’re done the chapter, it’s time to put your laundry away”.
I respect the activity she’s doing. R knows what she needs to do afterwards because I’ve made sure there was eye contact and she’s repeated my instructions. Teamwork.
Which also connects to the last mistake about our own attitude at family chores.
MISTAKE 5. ACT LIKE A DRILL SERGEANT INSTEAD OF A TEAM
Be careful not to overload with too many instructions at once – research shows kids’ (and husband’s? hehe) brains can only handle so many directions at a time (especially in the younger years).
Chores involve a surprising amount of brainpower to do well: working memory, focusing, self-motivating to get the unfun done.
So make chores easier:
- Use visual tools (my Editable Chore Checklists will help) for all the steps of a chore
- Clearly spell out what a “good job” means and looks like (this could be modelling or having a family meeting)
- Have consistent consequences for refusing to give their best (challenging at first, but worth it in the long-run)
- Model how you want a job done, not just what you want at the end. Ie: “clean your room” – what does that even mean?
- Give simple 1-2 step directions in the beginning
I’m guilty of this last point when we’re rushing out the door: my anxiety is high, I shoot out directions like a sergeant, and the meltdown ratio skyrockets every time. Totally my own fault.
So keep it simple, mom 😉
Your child can thrive at chore time – when the proper supports and system are in place. If it’s not manageable yet, don’t worry, you just need these 5 tweaks to set it straight.
What can you do right away to start well (or make a quick-fix) to your family chore time? Simply pick one chore to focus on, do it at the best time every day, and work as a team. You’ll grow genuine helpers in no time!
read more TO IMPROVE YOUR FAMILY CHORE TIME:
- 3 steps to transform chore time from chaos to cooperation
- Tips and tricks to introduce your first chore chart
- 9 crucial benefits to family chore time
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