Have your kids started to whine when it’s time for church? There might be 3 things missing in their faith life. Here’s what you can do about it.
You wonder what happened to your kids…
When they were little, they would make your heart melt – their sweet scrunched-up faces when they prayed or arms wide as they belted out their favourite church song on the way home.
Nowadays…you almost start to dread Sunday mornings…
It’s time for church and the older kids are dragging their feet, rolling their eyes, starting their spiel of “why do we have to go?”
Breaks your heart a bit, doesn’t it?
Are you worried your precious Faith hasn’t quite been rooted in their hearts yet?
How can you even tell?
Being a youth minister for over ten years had a significant impact on how I recognized passive vs. active Faith.
I kept note of which youth…got it…and which ones were going through the motions.
And I found 3 powerful differences between those two groups.
Read on to recognize these lapses in your child’s spiritual growth…and what you can do to help them keep their faith for life.
a revealing study
Reginald Bibby teaches Sociology at the University of Lethbridge and has been recognized as a leading researcher of social trends in Canada, particularly religious trends.
What does this have to do with you & your kids?
He did a study in 2008 that compared teens now to youth in 1984 in 4 categories:
- religious identification
- church involvement
- belief in God
- receptivity to going to church
The results are a wake-up call: the number of teens who self-identify with the church of their parents is declining…drastically.
Church attendance is just as scary, which I’m sure you can guess from the dusty pews around you. Even when 7/10 kids identify with a Christian church, only 2/10 actually go to that church weekly or even monthly.
Lastly, the amount of youth who “definitely” believe in God are dropping staggeringly too.
Need some hope?
The remarkable good news is that 40% of kids not attending at all are still open to coming to church… if it’s worth their while.
And that, Mama, is our ticket.
I’ll explain in a bit, but for now, let’s dig a little deeper into what can be subtly missing in your child’s spiritual growth.
reason #1: kids separate church from state
Matthew can go through the motions of church on Sunday with eyes closed.
If you ask him a basic question about his beliefs, he can whip off the answer, no problem.
But when it comes to daily life Monday morning? He’s not all in.
- He’ll check off the religion box on an application form, but not on his Facebook profile.
- Matthew knows all the prayers his mom’s taught him but doesn’t say them on his own.
- He can spout off the Golden Rule but passes by the bullied kid without a thought.
Kids like Matthew follow the motions, but there’s no meaning or value behind their Faith.
They’ll pull out their Faith on church days. Sundays, Christmas and Easter.
If there’s a crisis, they’ll send up some heavenly flairs, and beg for God’s help. Treating Him like a genie, they’ll rub the lamp if they have a need, then stuff it away until the next time.
But they don’t know how (or worse, don’t want) to weave what they’ve learned at church into their day-to-day behaviour.
reason #2: they don’t know his voice
Lisa’s a good kid.
She listens to the rules and hasn’t ever thought of skipping church. She’ll say her prayers dutifully each night, and do the right thing at school and with her friends.
But something’s still missing in her Faith…
Her prayers are functional instead of a conversation because she hasn’t had a personal encounter with God yet.
And what’s more?
Most kids (and parents?) these days don’t know God’s voice because they don’t give him a chance to speak.
Think about it:
The silence needed for meaningful prayer has become uncomfortable.
We twitch and fidget. Spasmodically reach for our phones. Our thought process hasn’t been trained to slow down – it dashes away whether we want it to or not.
Knowing this, I gave my kids a challenge:
I started to teach my kids how to be quiet with God, 30 seconds at a time, for a week.
And it was torturous for them. 🤣
But they were motivated to beat their record, so the next week we bumped the time up to 1 minute. We’re up to 5 minutes of stillness. And I’m super proud of that small number. It takes discipline to relax your mind and body when you’re a kid.
Your children need to learn stillness too. God speaks to their hearts in a whisper and they have to learn how to wait for Him in the quiet.
REASON #3: sitting in church doesn’t mean they’ve met god
Matthew and Lisa have the same stumbling block. Is it the same one for your kids?
Knowledge of Jesus and His teachings doesn’t mean your kids know Him.
They can spout off stories, prayers, and beliefs…but do they truly love him deeply?
When they hear the Salvation story, they know Jesus saved all mankind…but do they know it was love for your child that kept him on the cross?
You want your loved ones to be on fire for God, to know his peace. Don’t lose heart quite yet.
Reginald Bibby’s conclusion to his study? Attendance at church has a direct link to a youth’s personal belief in God.
In other words:
See the beauty of it?
And our Father is already seeking your child’s heart. We have a very stubborn, loving, won’t-give-up-on-you God. He’s already working on them, planting seeds (through you and others).
little ways to start filling the spiritual holes
The good news is that you can nurture your kid’s faith. Try these steps to build your family’s relationship with God:
- Join my 5-day Pray for your Kids Challenge: a bite-sized guide of how to intentionally prepare your kids to receive God in a deeper way.
- Give kids a reason (no matter how small) to go to church: they can pray for a friend, they’ll feel hope for a hard situation, the music is good, whatever floats their boat! Find that hook that will interest them.
- Teach them different ways to pray that suit their personality: Head over to my post, How to get your kids to love prayer, for more details.
- Give them stories: Jesus loved using stories because it connects our minds to our hearts. Find testimonies, conversion stories, age-appropriate Christian books.
- Encourage questions: get them to face their doubts and questions, then give them tools to find answers! There are tons of good quality websites for kids on evangelization and catechesis.
- Teach them to sit: Head over to this post and download the Prayer Booklet for Kids. Sitting still is a disappearing skill these days. Nurture it 🙂
- Constantly remind them of who God is: God is a Daddy. And a good one. He has a space in His heart reserved for your child. And they have a hole in theirs that only God can fill.
I’d like to invite you to sign up for the prayer challenge. In 5 little days, you’ll pray for their relationship with God, their gifts and weaknesses, protection and healing, and I’ll show you how to gently nurture their Faith with a quick, fun family activity.
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