Facing a big decision in your life? Wondering how to hear God’s Will in a clear, peaceful way?
You’ve come to the right place. I firmly believe there is a path set out for you to take with decisions from career choices to how to raise kids.
We just need to train our ear to hear God’s voice, which often comes as a whisper.
If you’re like me, you want something more concrete, right? Below, you’ll read about the why behind our search for God’s Will, followed by a clear 7 step process to reach an answer.
“Teach me your ways, oh Lord”
I used to take easy resolutions for granted, right up until my health died. My brain took the hardest hit. I lost my driver’s license due to falling asleep at the wheel. “Foggy brain” on a daily basis. I’ve lost my short-term memory. And now clear decision-making is a struggle.
This led me to discover Ignatian discernment. This is not a quick instant fix, but it sure takes a load of stress away! I had to share this with you in case you find yourself in the same boat (but hopefully, without the health craziness!).
putting god’s will above your own
This is where I change the emphasis from “decision-making” to discernment. Decisions imply we are in control. We decide based on our best interests or the best interests of those closest to us.
Discernment takes on a discipleship mentality. You’ve promised your life to Jesus. He is Lord of your house, Lord of your work, Lord of your family. Jesus has your best interests at heart, and He knows your purpose in this life is to get to Heaven and to bring as many people as possible with you.
Because He is your loving Daddy, it’s in your best interest to seek His Will before a big choice. Who has time for the heartache if we don’t, right?
God does not and will not “make bad things happen”, but will honour the consequences of a choice made outside of His Will.
A friend of mine always used to say “God is a gentleman”.
In other words, if we choose to walk a different path than the one He chose for us, He will respect that and allow those fruits to bear. And because we are all a part of the Body of Christ, this has a ripple effect. A “no” made to God doesn’t just affect us, they affect our children, our spouse, and people around us.
If we want the fruits of our decisions to be peace, blessing, and joy, we need to make those choices with a discerning heart and mind. God our Father will bless us for it.
This is why I’m so happy you’re choosing to put God first!!
Ignatian discernment
In my search for an actual process of hearing God, I found Ignatian discernment made the most sense in making decisions. This is a condensed version tailored to busy, exhausted moms like myself 😉 If you’re wanting a bit more detail, I found this website helpful but still layman-friendly.
Let me break it down for you by explaining it in 7 basic steps.
1. Invite God in
God knows your heart so intimately. He wants to show us the path of Life, but can’t be reduced to a magic 8 ball. Sometimes He could give an immediate answer, but what God really wants is a relationship, a conversation.
We need to trust Him as our Daddy. I think I have the best dad in the world and that has shaped how I see God the Father. I’ve had lots of teenagers in youth ministry that did not have that ideal father figure, and it was hard for them to trust God based on their heartbreaking family life. If that’s your case, invite God into your life. Tell Him about your struggle with trust and let Him show you His gentle, loving, gentlemanly nature.
When you’re faced with a specific decision, make time for that conversation with God. If you have the chance, book a “date” with God. Find a quiet, calming time and place where you can pour out your worries and wants to Him about your choice.
I vaguely remember “quiet” and “calm”
That being said, the opportunity to leave my home for prayer time is hard with health challenges and a big family. There are days when I can’t find 5 quiet minutes to myself. Instead, I lift my heart to Him throughout my day in little spurts.
As soon as I find myself worrying about this future, I send it to my Daddy. I follow it with a heartfelt nod indicating that I trust He will show me the best answer. It takes all of 30 seconds.
I make sure God is invited into my feelings, thoughts, and planning stages of discernment, not just tossing up a request for a blessing once I’ve already made my decision.
2. Spit it out
Take all the thoughts swimming around your head and put it on paper. I don’t try to organize it, I just get everything out of my head so that I can tackle each detail later.
Mind mapping is my new favourite. I write down the situation, the problems that are hindering a clear answer, my fears, my hopes, the ideal path, any compromises that could be made, what my needs are, any questions I have, you get the idea.
This is all done as a prayer. I’m not necessarily asking for direction at this point, just pouring out my heart to my Father.
3. Research
At this stage, we discern with our minds. Laying out all the choices possible, we gather all the information we can on each path to be able to fully decide.
For example, I’m in the middle of discerning my ten-year-old’s school for next year. There is no perfect answer, so I need all the details of each possibility to move on to the next step.
I’ve already homeschooled her, so I have all the information I need for that choice. My least favourite option is putting her in her local public school, a grade five in a junior high school, which I don’t feel comfortable with.
But, in order to make a good discernment, I’ve booked us in for a school tour to see if the situation is different than the one in my head.
The most promising choice is to put her in a little school out of our district, but there is no bus available. Since I can’t drive and we live in the country, I have to figure out possibilities for transportation and contact the school board, the local school, and every trustworthy retired grandma from church I know to see if I can find a willing driver.
4. Outline choices
This is where my brain calms down a bit. Once I can see all the information laid out in an organized way, the emotions settle down and my practical side takes over.
Make a chart with every option listed at the top. Underneath each choice, divide the space into two sections: one for pros, one for cons. Start listing every detail where it applies.
Once you’re done, you can’t just pick the choice that has the most positive points (as tempting as that is), because some details carry more weight for you. Despite having ten pros and only one con, if that one thing will break you, it’s worth more than the others.
So, guess what? More prayer time is needed to figure out which points are the most important to you. I’m a bit of an organizational nerd, so I highlight those details to make a strong visual representation.
5. Discern feelings
This is where the Ignatian discernment really stands out. This step draws out our feelings towards each decision, feelings of consolation and desolation.
These feelings can be complicated (is anything simple, anymore?!) because they either come from God as confirmation of the right path come OR from our desires or fears.
To help you differentiate which of these two options are directing your feelings, let’s dig in a little deeper to what consolation and desolation mean.
Consolation
Consolation is that sense of comfort and peace. If we are following God’s will, we should feel His peace. I used to call it a “God hug” when I was little. This peace should remain even when going through rough times.
When my son was in the hospital, I felt extremely close to God in my suffering, probably because I clung to Him more than ever before.
On the other hand, we can give ourselves a false sense of consolation. I’ve seen many good-intentioned souls stop short at true discernment.
Their discernment process only goes as far as their comfort zone.
Then the rationalization kicks in: “God wants me to be happy” kind of thinking. Another danger is simply letting the heart be stronger than the mind.
Many hearts stop as soon as a choice feels good. They forget to really ask what God wants, assuming that all happiness comes as a sign from God.
Desolation
Desolation is a spiritual loneliness where a decision feels barren. We naturally feel desolation without God. This sense of loss could be an indication we are choosing something against God’s will. It might not come right away, but short-lived happiness won’t last.
Just to make things even more complex, we sometimes go through times of a spiritual desert – a “dark night of the soul”.
If we live our lives with perpetual peace and constant grace, how will we grow? Even Jesus felt desolation in His Passion and He was perfectly following God’s will. We will sometimes be asked to trust, to love, and to obey without consolation. For most, it’s not meant to last.
If God is truly our Lord, we need to carefully consider these feelings while balancing our practical reasoning. That is so easy to write, but so hard to apply, I know, I know.
Be aware of any desires or fears that are directing your decision-making. This is where “know thyself” is vital to growing in holiness.
The important thing is taking charge of our priorities and wanting God’s will above all.
Ask the Holy Spirit to guide your feelings and to clear out anything that will hinder you from finding what God wants. Then see if you feel strong consolation for one of the choices.
6. Decision try-outs
If you have a bit more time before you have to decide, spend a week as if you had chosen door #1. Talk about it, think about it, pray about it. Then see if things settle down or if your desolation increases.
The next week, switch your mentality to choose the other option. See what happens.
7. Listen for god’s will
If your heart is open, you will hear an answer. I love the Scriptures passage where “Mary ponders in her heart”, it’s just a beautiful description of discernment. Sometimes I’ll get an answer in the Bible, or a one-liner from the homily, or from talking it over with a spiritual director. I even had an answer from a song on the radio, followed by a flood of consolation.
If you are waffling between consolation and desolation, wait to make a decision if you can. Stay patient and keep an open heart. If you have a deadline, choose the one with most consolation, and trust God will direct the path for you.
I had a spiritual director who once told me we don’t really need to stress about making the wrong choice if God is King of our decision. He is God enough to close doors and direct the path underneath our feet, He just needs our permission. He is big enough to fix anything. Take a leap of faith with all the consolation you can find because if pleasing your heavenly Daddy is the summit of what you want, it will happen!
The Discernment Journal for Moms is now available in a paperback format!
This mom-friendly workbook will walk you through the 7 discernment steps so you can make a decision with confidence.
read more:
- Why things are falling apart even when you pray for God’s help
- When God says no to something good: loving obedience
- Is it from God or is it from me? How to hear God’s whisper
Can I pray for you? Feel free to let me know what you are discerning for in a private email or write in the comments. I’ll add you to my prayers 🙂
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