“Peter, do you love me?”
What would you say?
Easy answer is always “yes” like Peter’s.
But the fact that Jesus put so much emphasis on getting Peter’s heart to answer more than his mouth, more than his mind, means there’s something deeper in the question.
Do you trust Jesus when things aren’t going as planned? How about when He hands you your cross for who knows how long?
How about when God says no to something good, leaving you confused and questioning if you heard right, or deep, deep down, if He wants you to be happy?
If you’re second-guessing your discernment, head on over to discover the Ignatius 7-step process to hear God’s Will (with a checklist to keep you on track). If you know the answer is a no, read on for your next step.
why would god say no?
There are so many reasons, but the crux of your answer is:
If you see God as a loving Father, then you know He’s going to say no out of love for His children.
We’ve already seen with the Cross: He’ll choose us over Himself no matter the cost.
But it was so long ago, that reading about it and hearing about it can still seem vague. If that’s the case, you’ve got to start asking Him to show you His Fatherly heart. And He will.
God says no (in this case, to something good) because He can see and know everything. Where our hearts are at, where they will be after we choose this path, which choice will lead us to heaven and to Him, or farther away.
God absolutely wants our happiness, but not short-term, superficial stuff. We weren’t made for that. He knows which answer will give us the most joy, here on earth AND an eternal one.
How my son teaches me about the father
A personal story: I’ve never felt closer to understand the Father’s heart than when my foster son with special needs joined our family. My son is a gift to me.
But one of his syndromes is an eating disorder where he never feels full. Never. He has choked. Gorged until throwing up. Then begged for more a second later.
My son does not have the cognitive ability to see the why behind my No to food. He can’t see the big picture of what is good and what will NOT be good later on after we leave the buffet 😉 .
He LOVES food, which is a good thing. We need it to be healthy and energetic… and it’s an addiction (through no fault of his own) for him. He uses food to relieve stress and get that happy kick.
When I say no to food, he can get very resentful with a fallout in our relationship that will last days.
But I say no anyway.
Because love doesn’t mean saying yes to everything he wants, especially when I know it will harm him.
Mother Teresa said “love until it hurts” and I never got that until I started fostering.
I want this child to be the healthiest, happiest version of himself he can be, and that sometimes means saying no even when I know there will be a cost to myself.
Our Father loves us more than we will ever know. When He says no, to something your heart has yearned for, will you trust His heart and obey?
loving obedience: saying yes to God’s no
So many Christians take a full stop when they hear no. They see God as a bad Father who just wants to control.
To be completely honest, they act like toddlers after mom said no to a cookie. There are meltdowns, anger, resentment. They slam the door on the relationship.
I pray you have had an experience of the Father’s love. You know He wants the best for you.
So will you trust Him and walk down this path He’s given you?
God doesn’t want blind obedience. It’s why He treasures and respects free will so very much. We all have the choice to be the Prodigal daughter and walk away when we don’t want to face His no.
Often we are hurt in the past by misconceptions about God, or suffer from traumas from His children, that affect our ability to obey a God we haven’t met personally yet.
In order to obey, we need an equal measure of trust and love in our Father.
If we obey, it’s because we trust our Daddy will take care of us. That trust comes from experiencing His love.
As well, we need to love Him more than that specific choice we’ve been praying about.
It is fully okay if your heart is not perfectly aligned with this diagram. Yet.
What you do need to do is actively seek out how to balance your heart. Don’t stay where you are. Search. Ask hard questions. Face your hurts that are holding you back from a good relationship. Stomp on those lies that say you can’t hear God or He doesn’t care.
Which area do you need to work on? Pray (consistently) that He will guide you to His heart. He is so wanting to help you. But since our Father is the perfect gentleman, we need to ask.
Now let’s take a deeper look into what could make you hesitate from loving obedience.
do you LOVE me MORE THAN your FEAR?
Fear has a strong grip on our lives, doesn’t it?
If you’re struggling financially and God says no to a job offer, that takes a huge amount of trust that He will provide in a better way.
Look deep. What fears do you have that get in the way of trusting, loving, and obeying your Father?
Way back when, God asked me NOT to take a summer job in between University semesters. He wanted me to volunteer at the church instead. My mom was not pleased and mentioned it wasn’t responsible or grateful that they had saved their RESPs (is that a Canadian term?) for so many years and wasn’t doing my part to earn the rest.
The day after I started my volunteer job, a lovely girl (who is now my best friend) walked up to me and said God wanted her to give me her babysitting income for the year. It was the exact amount I need for my next semester.
Then God asked me to give it back! He just wanted us to meet and knew someone at church needed it more.
I gave it back. (I may have neglected to mention this part to my mom later).
Financially risky? Yep. I was pretty confused and worried about how this was going to pan out.
But the week after that, the church offered me a position that paid for the rest of my university tuition.
God is good, my friends. God is good.
do you LOVE me MORE THAN OTHERS?
Ooh. Tricky one these days. We humans thrive with acceptance and approval and fellowship.
What do you do when God’s no means hurting someone’s feelings or hopes?
I struggle with this one. I know He wouldn’t ask me unless it was needed for our salvation, and He provides grace and His peace, but I’m such an empathetic person, it pains me to do it.
When God asks me to say no to a loved one, I feel sick for days. I can feel their hurt.
A month after I first met my husband, he bought me a promise ring. I really liked him (obviously) but my heart knew it was way too soon – I am so much more practical than romantic. So I said no.
And lucky me, he stuck around!
Half a year later he asked me to marry him, but I was not at peace even though I loved him deeply. But Jesus will always be my first love, so when he told me no, there were many tears from the two of us, but that’s that.
My husband grew up a bit more during the next year and a half. His spiritual life grew stronger and formed him in a holier way.
And the next time he asked me, God said yes 🙂
do you LOVE MORE THAN yourSELF?
We get to the real crux now. Fear comes from not trusting God will take care of us. Loving others more means you need their approval and recognition to feel happy.
How much do you love yourself? Obviously, we are meants to love who we are as His children.
But do you love Jesus more than yourself?
Your pride will have to take a hit. Actually it will have to be decimated if you want to get anywhere in your relationship with the Father.
You’ll have to acknowledge that He is Lord of you. You will obey through confusion, blindness, a little sadness now and then, because you know He is good and is good to you.
finding peace in his no…comes when we say yes
Last example. A month ago, our very good friends asked to be the godparents for their newborn son. They are already godparents for our youngest. We were absolutely honoured.
But as she was asking us, I felt no peace.
And since I am human, my first prayer to Jesus consisted of “uh oh”. But I kept asking His Will knowing it would hurt feelings and could end a beautiful friendship if they didn’t understand or trust my discernment.
Turns out God said no because of my health. I have many, many symptoms that would impact being present as a godmom.
Daily migraines every day mean I don’t have a typical Christian prayer life. I live my day with him, but it is difficult to have focused prayer. I can no longer drive, so I couldn’t come see them often. And I suffer from leg paralysis and chronic fatigue, so my first thought was “what if I can’t get to the baptism?”…should’ve been my first clue.
Jesus said no because I’m unable to give what a godmother needs to be right now. Ouch. It’s very humbling, but that’s the season He’s called me to be in at the moment.
I wouldn’t be content with showing up now and then, I would want to give all of me. And I just can’t right now.
So I had to say no to myself even though my heart really wanted it. Because this baby needs someone who can give more.
WILL YOU OBEY?
Your turn. God has said no to something good. What are you going to do?
Do you trust and love Him? More than your fear, your need for other’s approval, your own pride?
It’s okay to struggle with it. We’re human. We all go through our own little gethsemanes.
When you have your answer, will you get up and follow Him anyway?
Praying for you! Please send me a line and I’ll add you to my prayers between migraines (I use them to offer up prayers I can’t say verbally, so it still works) 😉
The Discernment Journal for Moms is now available in a paperback format!
This mom-friendly workbook will walk you through the 7 discernment steps so you can make a decision with confidence.
read more:
- How to know God’s Will in 7 steps (with printable checklist)
- Why things are falling apart…even when you pray for help
- Is it God or is me? How to hear God’s whisper
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